??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
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