I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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