How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
