Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So much Jack, so little girl.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
