After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
