Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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