the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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