Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
