i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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