I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
