I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
