im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
