I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish you could order shots online.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
