the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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