dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
