I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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