Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
