You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
