just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
