i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize