Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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