yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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