thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
