I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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