Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
