Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
