Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
