This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
