my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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