sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
