i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
