I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
