Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
