I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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