I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
