Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
