Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so let's talk penis.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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