I can tuck mytits in my pants
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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