i permit you to call me
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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