i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
