i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
