we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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