Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
