garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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