I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
