So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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