Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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