i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
