This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
