He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
