You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
